I can’t be the only one to feel confused about who I was, what I wanted, and what was next for me as I inched closer to turning 40. So why aren’t we talking about this?  Well, since we aren’t talking about this, I figure that’s all the more reason for me to. So let’s dive into turning 40 and suddenly feeling confused about all the things. 

My journey into… (dare I say it?) midlife… started around the time I turned 37. I had checked all the boxes and done all the things I was told to do if I wanted to be happy and successful. But standing there at the top of the ladder of success, I realized I didn’t feel happy or successful. I felt exhausted, numb, unfulfilled and completely confused about where to go from there. 

Up until that point I’d followed the roadmap. I’d followed the same roadmap everyone else I knew had followed and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just be happy, like everyone else? Why wasn’t this enough? If this wasn’t what I wanted then what did I want? There I stood, 40 and completely confused. And the questions I started asking myself just began to pile up until I was regularly spinning in my head trying to white knuckle and force all the answers and a perfect plan into existence so I knew where to go from there.

But that perfect plan never arrived. And at some point, after lots of agonizing about it, I realized that the perfect plan didn’t arrive because the perfect plan didn’t actually exist. 

And with that realization, I decided it was time to design my own plan for myself. I was done being confused and letting the fact that I was 40 mean anything about my ability to start over or decide what was right for me going forward. So my new plan started with letting go of the need to be who I thought I had to be and do what I thought everyone expected me to do. I had already tried doing everything to make everyone else happy. If that worked, I think most women would be wildly successful and living the lives of their dreams. So I knew I had to find a different way. This time, I chose to begin unlearning who I thought I had to be and making some powerful (but uncomfortable and unpopular) decisions for myself.

Resource (blog post) A Guide to Finding Yourself

If you’re ready to do the same for yourself – this is your warning! When you begin the work of peeling back the layers of who you thought you had to be, discovering who you really are, and deciding who you want to become, you’ll likely run into this speed bump that’s difficult to move beyond.

I say likely because it’s one I’ve run into at each level of my own journey of coming home to me. And I have yet to have a client who hasn’t also run into this same thing.

Resource (blog post) Break Down the Boxes of Who You Thought You Had to Be

At some point in this self discovery journey, this journey of reinventing yourself and becoming who you want to be, you’ll want to begin to play around with the things you feel drawn to, the things that stir up positive emotions in you, the things you feel attracted to but can’t exactly explain why…

And inevitably your brain will freak out.

Why?

Because as you start to notice what you’re pulled toward more intuitively, you’ll notice that it won’t all make sense logically. This can feel so confusing when you’ve been used to checking the boxes and doing everything the right way, not because you wanted to but because it’s what you thought you should do.

But this time you’re going to start learning what you like and making decisions that feel right for you even though you can’t always explain why. You’re going to listen more to your intuition instead of making all your decisions from your head.

The colors you are attracted to might not match. The textures you start to notice might not go together perfectly. The foods you want to try might not be what your family usually eats. The clothes you feel excited to wear might not look like what everyone else around you is wearing. The social media accounts you want to follow might be a little more creative or bold than you’re used to. The way you want to design your business might go against the formula the “gurus” say it should. The things you want to bring into your home and office might not be the most trendy and popular. The way you choose to spend your time might not look the same as the way your friends and family do. 

And while none of these are actual problems…

Your brain is going to work like hell to make you think they are.

It’s going to throw a fit and tell you that…

• nothing makes sense.
• you’re 40, confused, and too old for any of this.
• it doesn’t all go together.
• they aren’t going to like you.
• it doesn’t all fit into a pretty package.
• you don’t know who you are.
• you don’t know who your future self is.
• you need it to make sense
• you’re confused.
• they’re not going to accept you anymore.
• you need to know the exact path to move forward
• you don’t know what you’re doing and you need someone to tell you what to do.
• you’re confusing.

Like a toddler at Target who’s throwing a fit to try to get that piece of candy, your brain will try to throw everything at you so you give in, conform, follow the rules, and look just like everyone else.

But you were never meant to follow the rules. You were never meant to shove yourself in a box and hide your true gifts. You were never meant to dim your light. You were never meant to be just like everyone else, look like everyone else, or act like everyone else. 

You were made for so much more. 

And you deserve to show up in the world as the most authentic version of YOUrself.

If you’re done performing and trying to be who you thought you had to be and you’re ready to become your real, genuine, authentic self, I can’t wait to help you!

Click HERE to schedule a free clarity call to learn more about why you’re doing what you’re doing right now and what to do differently to make the changes you want to make in your life. Then you can learn more about 1:1 coaching with and decide if you’re ready to begin this life changing work. I can’t wait to meet you!