Have you spent decades putting everyone’s needs before your own? Have you focused on doing everything possible to make sure everyone else is happy? Are you noticing that you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, trapped, and taken advantage of? If so, you’ve likely lost the connection to who you really are because your identity has been fused into the identity of everyone else. When you realize this is happening and you’re ready to do something different you might notice that you feel afraid to make decisions to do things differently.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret… I don’t think you’re afraid to make decisions.
I think you’re afraid of how you’ll treat yourself and what you’ll make it mean about you if the decision you make doesn’t go the way you want it to. Do you agree? Look back at your life and the decisions you’ve made. How did you treat yourself? Were you loving, kind, and compassionate even when things went off course? My guess is that you weren’t.
So you don’t have a decision making problem.
The problem is that you aren’t deciding ahead of time how you’ll treat yourself regardless of the outcome of the decisions you make.
When you don’t have a relationship with yourself where you can make decisions without being afraid because you know that you’ll have your back no matter what, you’ll do all kinds of things to sabotage yourself.
Instead of making decisions that feel right for you, you might ask everyone you know what they think you should do. (That way you have someone to blame other than yourself if it doesn’t go well.)
Or you’ll tell yourself you’re a hot mess, indecisive, unsure, and you need more time. So you’ll put off making decisions. And let’s be clear – not deciding is still deciding. And I would argue that not deciding comes with a far greater cost than making a decision that doesn’t go as planned. Because when you decide not to decide, 10 years can easily pass and you’ll be in the same exact place – stuck wondering what to do, wishing things were different, and beating yourself up for not having made a decision.
But you have the power to change this!
You can decide now that making decisions is a skill you want to learn. Really, it is a skill. And the more decisions you make, the better you’ll get at making them and problem solving when things don’t go as planned.
Resource (blog post): How to Make Decisions More Easily
You also get to give yourself permission to decide ahead of time that you’ll be kind, loving, and compassionate to yourself regardless of the outcome of whatever decisions you make. This is the key, in my opinion. We’re not creating relationships with ourselves that feel good only when things are going well. The goal is to create a relationship with yourself where you love and accept yourself when things are going well and when they aren’t.
You have the ability to decide now to trust that no matter what happens, you’re capable of handling it. I love thinking that the decisions I make and the outcomes are always for me. And if they don’t go as planned I always have the opportunity to learn from them.
Whichever decision you want to make, you get to give yourself permission to decide now. Notice what you learn and how you become a more confident woman when you give yourself permission to make decisions for yourself and have your back no matter what happens.
Resource (blog post): How to Make Decisions Without the Stress
If one of the decisions you want to start making is the decision to set boundaries and say no, I’ve got you covered. Head below and grab my free guide to learn the art of saying no.
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