I Stopped Blaming Them: How Taking Ownership Gave Me Back My Power

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Have you ever caught yourself quietly resenting your husband, your kids, or your boss for holding you back? Maybe you tell yourself, “If only they’d help more… if only they’d give me permission… if only they understood how much I’m carrying and took some things off my plate.”

I know that feeling deeply.

In my mid-30s, I started noticing a stirring inside that was completely unfamiliar. It felt like a tornado of thoughts, emotions, bigger dreams, and fears all swirling together. No matter how hard I tried to shove it down with more organization, more yeses, more perfection, it was relentless and kept coming back.

The Resentment Cycle

At night, I’d lie awake thinking about how my husband had a business he loved with meaningful work, flexibility, and freedom. Meanwhile, I was telling myself I was the one managing nearly everything else in our life. And I envied him.

The more I thought about it, the more I started quietly resenting him. Wishing he’d see my bigger dreams. Wishing he’d lighten my load. Wishing he’d give me permission to pursue something new.

But here’s the truth: he didn’t know any of this because I wasn’t telling him and he’s not a mind reader.

He wasn’t aware of the changes I wanted to make. He wasn’t aware I wanted more support from him. He wasn’t aware I was waiting for him to give me permission. And at that point I hadn’t yet realized that my was responsibility to give to myself.

The Shift from Blame to Taking Ownership

The longer I blamed him (and my daughter and work) for taking my time, the more resentful and unhappy I became.

The moment everything began to shift was when I ended up burned out with shingles. It was through that experience that I finally realized:

• Nobody was coming to save me.
• It wasn’t their responsibility to fix this for me.
• I had to lead myself and go first.

When I was forced to finally pause long enough to be honest with myself, to admit that I wanted more, and to communicate that clearly, the trajectory of my career, marriage, happiness, and experience being a mom changed. Not overnight, but completely.

What This Means for You

If you’re stuck in resentment or waiting for someone to notice how much you’re carrying or the bigger dreams and goals you want to pursue, I want you to hear this…

• That’s not their job. It’s your job to notice what you need and want and communicate and take care of yourself.
• You don’t need anyone’s permission but your own.
• Taking ownership creates freedom.

When you stop blaming everyone else and waiting for them to change, you stop giving away your power and agency. And you open the door to deeper fulfillment, stronger relationships, and the freedom to pursue what you really want.

To Begin Taking More Ownership, Ask Yourself These Questions:

• Where am I blaming others for my unhappiness?
• What do I actually want that I haven’t admitted out loud?
• What’s one small step I can take today to give myself permission?

The turning point in my life wasn’t when my husband changed, it was when I did.

If you’re feeling that stirring inside, the unsettled and restless feeling that’s calling you to more, maybe it’s time for you to take ownership for the changes you want to make and start taking action to make them a reality.

If you’re wanting to learn more about who you are in this season of your life, I’m sharing my 31 journal prompts for self discovery with you! Head below to grab them today!