It can be easy in your late 30’s and 40’s to begin to feel as if you’ve lost yourself. Maybe things in your professional life seem to be somewhat predictable and your kids are becoming more independent. So without the distractions and busyness of life with babies, you begin to notice how you feel. You might also start to consider what you’re craving more of in your life. If you’re like me, you probably have a feeling that you know you’re made for more but what that is for you isn’t clear yet. So you feel a bit lost. And you begin to wonder who you are now, in this season of your life, and how to find yourself again.
For many of us the past couple decades have been a blur because of the pressure we put on ourselves to advance in our careers, keep up with the Jones’, and make sure everyone and everything was taken care of.
And now, as you start to feel the itch for more, you likely look around at what others are doing because that’s what you’ve done in the past. But the problem is it’s often hard to find female role models who are doing things differently and choosing their own paths. So it can feel scary to think that you’re doing something that’s going against the grain. And then, if you’re like me, you probably feel guilty for even wanting more. I mean your life is really good by society’s standards after all. You should just be happy with what you have, right?
Well if you ask me, I say yes and no. I mean yes, be happy with what you have. Appreciate it. Be thankful for it. But also give yourself permission to dream again and consider what you really want moving forward for this next season of your life.
Here’s the thing.
When we’re little we’re taught to listen to others. We’re taught to follow the rules, be good, be quiet, and make others happy. And most of us are really good at all of those things.
So as we enter our late 30’s and 40’s and start to feel this desire for something more, we’re left with more confusion than anything else. We’re confused about who we really are. We’re confused what we really want. And we’re confused about how to figure it all out.
The truth is that from an early age we learned to disconnect from our intuition and our inner guidance. Instead of listening to our internal desires, we were taught to look outside of ourselves and watch and listen to others to figure out who we should be and what we should do.
So for the past 20 to 30 years we’ve been doing what everyone else has expected of us without intentionally considering what we’ve really wanted.
Resource (blog post): Deciding What You Want After 40
And it’s worked in a lot of ways. You’ve been very successful. But now, as you move into this new season of life, you’re craving something new, something different, something more. You’re craving a deeper connection to yourself. You’re craving change. You’re wanting to trust yourself. You’re wanting to make decisions and know deep down inside that the decisions you’re making are right for you even if they aren’t what everyone else is doing. And even if people are disappointed in you and the decisions you make.
But learning to listen to yourself and make your own decisions is likely unfamiliar territory for you. Since most of us have been cut off from our inner guidance and intuition for years, this is a skill you most likely need to learn and practice.
How do you do that? Here’s how…
One of the simplest ways to learn to reconnect with your inner guidance is to ask yourself SIMPLE questions about what you want throughout the day. If you get into the habit of doing this everyday you’ll learn more about yourself and what you want. And you’ll learn to trust yourself.
Once you ask yourself a question, make sure you intentionally listen to your answer.
Then do what you said you wanted to do. This can be as simple as asking yourself if you want coffee or tea, a slow walk or a challenging workout, your upbeat playlist or something more calm and relaxing, or the bright sweater or the one that’s light green.
The more you ask yourself questions, get quiet with yourself, listen to your answers, and then do the things you know you want to do, the more you’ll begin to know and trust yourself.
Then you can move on to making decisions about the bigger things you want to change, like your career or a significant relationship in your life, and you’ll trust yourself enough to make the decision you know is right for you.
Resource (blog post): 7 Tips to Find Yourself When You’re Feeling Lost
Remember that it took years to get where you are right now. Give yourself time and space to go through this period of exploring and getting to know yourself again. Know that it won’t happen overnight. But if you’re intentional with this, you’ll find the clarity you’re looking for.
If you want help reconnecting to yourself, I have a little gift for you. One thing that has helped me reconnect with myself is to learn to say no to anything that isn’t a hell yes for me. If you want help learning to say no so you can start saying yes to yourself and the things you really want to do more often, grab my free guide to saying no without feeling guilty below.
Leave a note